We were conversing about current events in one of our usual phone calls. Somehow I naively thought news worthy items a safe basis for conversational exchange. I tend to be a news junkie and have found that too much news on line, through T V, or in the paper can have repetitious content that brings me down so I am trying to curb my appetite. During our conversation I mentioned how I had been using the Olympics to escape the general negatively found in today's daily news. The conversation turned to the news events that permeate everyone's daily life...the economy, lack of job opportunities, the earth quake in Haiti, the grid lock in government that slows down compromise, the toyota recall, etc. After I hung up the phone I realized there are no "safe topics" because our son's military exposure has permeated every view he holds of life.

His car failed when he drove back from base over the holiday vacation which forced him to buy a new one. He wanted a truck, but could only afford a toyota four door. This occurred before the brake problem became news worthy. When recall hit the news I called him with an 800 number to contact. His response was, "Mom, I know you mean well, but I have chosen a dangerous profession and that is the least of my worries." In other words thanks, but no thanks. Later he called back to apologize for being so direct. He is getting his brakes fixed this weekend and I have learned to back off.

Then there was the time we talked about Haiti. Several of the armed services were sent to help after the earth quake. Our son's colleagues and friends were among them. All were eager to go and proud to be of service. For them, I was told, it was a welcome relief from war. I related the story of a Massachusetts college student caught in the quake whose body remained under rubble for weeks before it was brought back from Haiti to the United States for burial. Our son's response: "Death is a way of life here, I spoke with someone today who is on call 24/7. He just had to relate four deaths in his unit to the families involved. It is something we don't like, but we have to deal with it." After this statement my mind flashed back to a conversation I had with another service mother who told me the story of her son who was assigned to fly coffins back from Iraq. She asked him how he coped. He responded, "Its my job and I have to do it."

There was the time I was with our son and his girl friend in the library when he was home on leave. As we walked by a magazine rack, he picked up a magazine whose cover had United States servicemen fighting in Afghanistan and featured their weapons. It was the gun that caught his eye. He pointed to it and said a colleague of his who returned from Afghanistan related a story to him about the sound of those guns. Apparently the Afghan soldiers they were assigned to train tease American troops by imitating the sound of the gun's projectile behind their backs when there is no incoming fire. It makes the American soldiers angry. Our son and I are learning that in the world of war, there are few current events that don't conjure up some powerful association that needs to be dealt with. The common ground is different for each of us and I must accept that to maintain ongoing, open dialogue and learn to listen.