It happens more than you like...the death of our Massachusetts service men and women in Afghanistan and Iraq. Every service family member knows their loved one is in harms way. The politicians call them heroes and reflect on how difficult it is to make condolence calls to the families. Families who must live with the emptiness forever.

October 2009 has been the deadliest month in Afghanistan to date. One of those deaths happened last evening to a pilot from North Attleborough. Regardless of the circumstance, death is a risk those who serve take. You know the family they left behind even if you never met them because you are among their ranks. So you stop what you are doing, have a moment of silence and plan to look for the story in the morning paper. This news report made me think of the service men currently serving in Afghanistan...friends of our son. You understand it could happen to any of them. Your husband notices the impact on you and asks, "Are you OK?". You answer "Yes" but are aware, in a deep yet outwardly strange and subtle way, how differently you look at life now. Thanksgiving is coming soon. Your son is coming home. Where will he be next Thanksgiving? You don't yet know if he will get leave this Christmas.

You think of the care your son took to reorganize his room before he left for duty and know exactly where on his bulletin board he placed the memorial card for a close friend ...after all you walk by it most days as you proceed with normal life tasks. It was left in remembrance of a fellow service man he respected. For him, I supposed, a bond of brotherhood. You recall the impact this death had on him at the time and know he feels as deeply about his service to country as you do about yours as his mother. You do all this in silence. It changes your day, but not as much as the life time of days remaining for the family who lost their son permanently. You do this because your son/daughter has chosen service to country as a privilege. The memory of other wars, other losses, lives on and you think how little has changed knowing others have served and sacrificed before.

You wonder where the announcement of the North Attleborough Marine's death will be in the morning paper. It turns up on the first page of the Metro Section. Nothing has been said between you and your husband, but before you have settled the morning routine and are able to read it, you find him focused on the page with his first cup of morning coffee. The two of you discuss the details. You talk about self selection, about how some people self select to serve their country and you think "May God make safety their companion."