Family Life

This blog chronicles life as a family member with a loved one who is serving our country during the Iraq and Afghanistan wars. It invites others in parallel situations to react by sharing feelings and emotions which surface as a result of experiencing isolation from those they care about. The hope is that by reaching out and supporting each other we can form a network that includes the troops we know and love. We may be part of different branches within the military, but we share common joys, hopes, and fears. We can only benefit from the clarity that comes from others with more experience, the chance to recognize we are not alone, and the opportunity to give and receive reinforcement from people in similar situations.

These days I find myself reading every article I can get my hands on that speaks about the families of American men and women serving our country. Whether it announces the deployment of a son/daughter and says, “Getting in touch with other military moms is going to be a necessary part of my life,” or invites the reader to sound off about how parents cope with the news of their sons/daughters enlistment. Our son has not yet deployed, but I jumped at the chance to write this blog when I thought about the spouses, mothers, fathers, siblings, girlfriends, and boyfriends, both blue and gold star, determined to make their love for their military family member work.

Our son made the decision to join the Marines two years ago. No one in our family saw this coming. None of us have military backgrounds or leanings. But when he joined, we joined with him. When friends question his decision I answer: “We have always raised him to think for himself, and he enjoys what he is doing. It is where he wants to be.” In my era “draft” was a dirty word. All the young men and women in today’s service are there because they choose to be. These days our front door proudly displays a yellow ribbon and our car a Marine sticker.

I observe Americans’ reactions to the Afghanistan and Iraq wars differently since our son joined the military. Sometimes it feels like people have lost sight of the troops who serve. I am a mother who follows the nightly news closely. Some of us cope that way. Others don’t. Perhaps this will change when our son deploys. I am told it will.

Regardless of how we cope as individuals, the war doesn’t seem to exist for some Americans. For instance, I went to Staples to purchase a skype set for our son the other day so we can communicate by computer and see one another. While there I asked the manager if they gave military discounts. The answer was “ no”. Tears welled up in my eyes and I replied, “You mean the soldiers on active duty don’t get priority if they want to see and speak to absent family members? That no one cares?” That is when I realized I was on a steep learning curve. I never expected to advocate and educate my fellow Americans this way; guess I will have to write skype and see what can be done. That’s what a friend of mine did when she attended family day at her son’s Basic School and participated in ground maneuvers shooting her son’s gun and eating from his rations. Dessert was stale M& M’s. She

was fed up and wrote Hershey a polite letter asking why they gave the troops that protect our country stale M & M’s. It worked. She got a letter of acknowledgement back from Hershey and they sent a large shipment of fresh M & M’s to her son’s base. I tried this with Winter Holiday decorations last year when our son wanted help sending ornaments, Christmas trees, Menorahs and dreidels to a colleague serving in Afghanistan so troops could experience a taste of home while away from family for the holidays. I’m sorry to say that did not work. Building 19 had no interest in helping me with one, small package of holiday cheer for the troops. So I purchased items out of my own pocket and sent them. The commander involved sent me a heart felt thank you note once he returned state side and had the time.

I find myself getting defensive about the American flag. My husband and I were on the Cape for Labor Day. We went to the beach after sunset. There was an American flag flying above a public boardwalk, but it was not illuminated. If you don’t take it down at sunset the American flag should be illuminated. There are patriots who display flat flags with the blue field on the right. Every Boy Scout knows the blue field is hung on the left.

Another mother of a fellow service member down the street from us also has a yellow ribbon displayed in prominent view year round. One day she said, “Wouldn’t it be nice if everyone on the street displayed a yellow ribbon?” I knew that wouldn’t happen and it never did. But, everyday when my husband and I go for a walk I salute her yellow ribbon and when it fell down in a windstorm and she didn’t know it I retrieved it and retied it for her. I know she would do the same for me. After all she cried in my arms the day her son deployed to Iraq. At the time I said to her,” I understand.” She answered, “I know you do.” That is all that needed to be said. That simple exchange made both our days a little easier. Yes, how I view our country has changed since our son joined the Marines.

I have much to learn from other families with loved ones serving in the armed services and am eager to grow from any response this blog creates. Let’s reinforce one another and share helpful insights. It might just make things easier all around.

Thank you

Mother of a Marine